dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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