What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
