its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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