So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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