sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
