I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
should my penis look like a turkey
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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