my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
