4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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