Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We are two peas in an std pod
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
