My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
