You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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