he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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