I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
