my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
