So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
