I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
