New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
