Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
birth control should be required to get into college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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