I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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