This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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