i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
