after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
