Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
