i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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