Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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