the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
