why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
