that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
