I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
