If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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