i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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