i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
