But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
