He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
