if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
