wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
