Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
