The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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