I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
