you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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