I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
