Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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