I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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