if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
