we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
