I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
