Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
