I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
wow bdsm is so cute
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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