i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
