she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
