Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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