We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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