Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
