Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
